His Voice Totally Make Me Calm

Last night, I was down a bit.
I guess it caused by everything that lingered in my life this few days.
It's not anybody's mistakes or faults, but it's mine.
I can't control my chromosome pretty well.
Damn!

...and I know, when I faced that kind of feeling,
there's only someone can make me become the real me back,
only with his voice.
Thank's God, I managed to reach him last night.

After 10 minutes talked to him, and actually I don't know why I did so,
I got my nerves back. At least...

To the guy who I bet may read this blog, I just want you to know that,
thanks for be there for me, at least when I need you around. I do appreciate that you want to come to my convocation day as well, but you're working on that day.

Zara : Currently I'm jobless. My contract already over and I'm looking for new job.

The Call Make My Heart Almost Blow Up...

I got a phone call last night.
Around 11 p.m.
There's no name, only numbers.
I totally recognize the numbers even though I deleted it before.

Answered the phone call.
The voice was still the same.
Still can make me remembered the old days.
Darn!

Currently emotion is unstable.
Listening to "Bencinta" by Faizal Tahir and
"Suara [Ku Berharap]" by Luna Maya and Dide (Hijau Daun)

I Love And Hate 2nd July...Goodbye Masters

Gosh!
2nd July 2009 come again.
I totally want to get rid of the date because of some reason.
Hate it!
Damn!

There's some nice memories of it,
but something which is freaking damn unwanted is covered it up.

Oh ya, I should register my MASTERS on 2nd July as well.
What happened now?
Don't ask, you should refer it here.

Darn!
Last year I wrote about 2nd July and Me (you may click to know why)
...and this year, I want to let this thing fade away.
As a buddy told me, it's not worthy to keep it with me.

Hell yeah!
There's some dates that I need to remember this month.


Iskandar - 7th July 1990
Suzie - 9th July 1986
Ley Cing - 10th July 1985
Azely - 13th July 1986
Aziz - 19th July 1989 *my cousin*
Aza - 30th July 1986
Taufik - 30th July 1985
Naz - 30th July 1987

Ahh, to the person who celebrate his birthday on 2nd July,
may you rest in peace.
^___^

After 5 Years, Physical 6 Still The Best...

After 5 years, where are you fellas?
Miss all of you...

10th May 2004-10th May 2009

Physical 6 is still the best!

Happy Graduation MLP!

Happy Graduation MLP!
May God bless you forever and always!
For some readers who never know him, you can can simply click HERE.

I'm happy for you!

*Updated*

I received a SMS from him this morning, around 5.34 a.m.

"Your tie...Our rings...To make sure that...I started my study when knowing you...and I want to end it with the memory of you..."

Thanks a lot MLP.
I'm cheering you up from here with Kimi and Danny!

8th March - Please Do Not Exist!

I believe that I sounded crazy when I wish for it.
Yeah, maybe YES and maybe NO.

It just remind me of something.
Of someone that I loved before.
It should be our 3rd Anniversary today.
But, it's not actually.
We even did not celebrate our 2nd Anniversary.

I'm a loser.
Still remember the date every year.
Still remember you in every single beat of my heart...
Why?



Yeah...
That's the answer.

P/S : Sorry, I'm walking down my memory lane today.

From Abah With Love

::From Abah with Love::

Abah called me yesterday.
Asked when I'm going back - he want to buy the return ticket for me.
Promised him that I'm going back this week.
On Thursday or Friday perhaps.

Yeah, he know that I will never ever miss the Prophet's Birthday.
It's our tradition - gather with family members and go to the mosque on that day.
Since I was a kid, my parent will bring us to listen to the talk by any
speakers in the mosque during Maulidur Rasul.
(9th March 2009 : Monday)

Will be there with the rest of family members.

***8th March***
Will you not be in the calendar?
I can't face you anymore.

I'm Not Your Toy

I'm not your toy.
Don't just come and leave whenever you want.
I'm still a human being.



Don't act like a parasite.
Human being live in symbiosis community.
I try my best to let you go, but I can't.

I'm not a toy.
You can play it whenever you feel to do so.
No I'm not.

If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours.
And if they don't, they never were.
Kahlil Gibran *here*

**6 days more and I can't even stop myself from thinking about it**

*********************************************************************

Congrats to my lovely favorite football club!
Manchester United won the League Cup after 120 minutes match!
Yeah!

They won 4-2 after defeated Tottenham Hotspur.
Oh ya, my lovely Cristiano Ronaldo also scored one goal for the victory!

Him - The Third Time!

I woke up this morning and feel like want to slap my own face.
It's been the third time I dreamed of him this week.
Do I missed him so much?

I didn't tell him that I dream of him again.
Or should I?

Blackish beeping...
"Hi...morning"
It's him.

MLP : Please Rest In Peace

The mid term break was over.
10 days I was in my hometown.
Spending my break - completed some assignments and of course I can't mumbled about that.
It's about responsibility that I hold anyway.
It's quite enjoyable and sad as well.

Sad in term of I felt a bit lonely.
I'm not really sure what I'm lonely of - maybe I get used with blogging world and I found it's a bit lonely without you guys.
Maybe I lost my Sun - that brightened my life before.

My Sun…who kept me warmth before.
Who make me woke up with smile every morning.
Who make me slept in smile every night.



During the break, I was thinking about myself.
Do I want to just stuck at one point and don't want to move anyway?
Am I just a pathetic person who put my hope, faith and love in someone else?

Nope.
I don't want those things happened to me again.
I'm tired of been sympathized by people around me.
I hate myself for being such a coward person.
I hate myself because I'm feeble - a weakling.

I woke up in the middle of the night and gave a thought to myself.
If I don't love myself, who else will do that for me?
After performed a night prayer, I was sitting on the bed and assessed myself.

It's been 6 years since my last time wore the school uniform.
It's been 5 years since I stepped into the matriculation hall.
It's been 4 years since I stepped into the campus life.
It's been a long time and here I am today.

When I looked back to my own life memories, I realized that I've changed.
Yeah, of course anyone will changed within the time.
I'm one of them.



The changes whether it's something good or bad - it's indicated who I am today.
The same trait that I brought from my past - the changed me - people around me who felt it.
They said that I'm changed.
Maybe.

But something for sure, my past was cried once she saw the present me.
She will be totally cry.
I turned to a very weak person.
A frail girl.

Only one word that I can say to myself, SORRY.
I can't forgive myself for being too feeble.
I can't help myself from being stupid.
I'm really sorry.

I love myself - more than anyone can do for me.
I must moved on.
I missed my jovial smile - whether it's not as bright as anyone else.
I missed the zealous Zara - who always have great energy.
Zara - the enthusiastic person.



It's hard for me to decide on this but this time I want to let MLP go.
I want to let MLP go from my life - it's something intense, stiff but I must do it.
MLP is Rest In Peace now.
MLP already depart this life.
MLP should be gone not only by the wind but with any matters

I was crying after I make my mind on this.
But, it's not the tears of been hurt anymore.
It's the tears of tough person.
I want to be a stalwart lady.

You've been kissed and hugs with Zara's Love!

Untold Secret Love

It's just not a good day as I thought.
The untold secret love already destroyed.
Burnt before been confessed to the person.
LOL!



It's kind pathetic but at least, I know that he's happy.
Happy with unknown person.
I decided that I don't want to know about her.



Let's kill the cupid first.
It seems that everything is not going well.
LOL!
It's only a joke okay?

Actually, not really in love with that guy.
Not in love at all.
Just because he is so nice and kept bullied me,
it's make me feel comfortable talking to him, and bullied him back.
Sometimes he'll be like insulting me, but since we are friends,
it's become normal and sometimes, quite happy of it.

He said something to me last Saturday.
"This semester, you looked more ladies than before."
"I don't see you wearing any sneakers this semester yet."

I smiled and replied.

"Yeah, I hate if you kept insulting me and said that I looked like a boy."

He laughed and said,
"That's great. This time, can say that you looked beautiful from top to toe"
LOL!



Dude, you really got that unique personality.
Make people feel comfortable with you even you love to bully them.
But, no matter what happened, you still a good friend of mine.

Of course I don't get the news from himself, but his good friend told me about that.
Okay, don't asked me the motive,
but they told me, if I still want him, just let them know.
They'll help me on it.



OMG!
I'm not that evil okay?
He's just a friend, and a friend will remains as a friend.
...
and I'm still in love with the same person since almost 3 years ago.
The person that I'm not belonged to anymore.
The person who keep staying in my heart.

God bless.

You've been kissed and hugs with Zara's Love!

#002 : Tag By Life

This is the second tag and it's really a second tag.
Well, as the prologue,
I've been tagged by The Beautiful Lady,
Miss Belle.
(Belle, I wrote Miss okay darling...)



It's time to reveal the secrets.

6 Zara's Life Facts

+ I was born on 29th August 1987 +
+ The eldest from half and dozen siblings +
+ A Future Teacher +
+ Family is My Priority +
+ Manchester United Die Hard Fan +
+ I Love Chemistry as I Love Football +



4 Zara's Life Objectives
(luckily she's not asking about mission, vision etc. LOL!)

+ Be the best human that serve for Allah The Almighty, family, friends, and nation generally +
+ Improve myself everyday +
+ Move forward each time I face problems or any difficulties +
+ Be the best among the best (scheme!!) +



6 Things That You Never Know About Me
(and of course you know after read this...LOL!)

+ I love guys who have Chinese look. It cover Japanese and Korean looks as well. +
(please forgive this hideous girl of her taste)
+ I love to hug people when meet each other, and it's restricted to female friends only +
+ I'm a bit boyish when I was in school and matriculation +
+ I do have different names : Sharifah, Shafaza, Sharif, Alice +
+ I never fell in love anymore +
+ I love to eat something cold when I'm stressed or depressed +
(STRESSED = DESSERTS)

#001 : Tag By Facts

This is the third tag that I got for this New Year,
but, will be the first to be settle down.

Been tagged by a wannabe engineer, Kimi.
(I forgot the name that used in blogging, Anieke MK ?)

As Japanese said,
less talk, do the job. Hait!



Here's come my answers...

10 Facts About Zara That You May Know or Never Know or Do Not Want To Know....
(16 are too many Kimi - so I reduced it)

1 - I'm always the youngest in my class since I was in Standard 5.
Those fellas are usually born in 1986, 1985, etc. while I was born in 1987.

2 - I love No. 7 so much.
Due to Beckham, Cristiano Ronaldo used that number on their jersey.

3 - First Love When I Was 19.
You can say it's pathetic, but that's me. It was my first love.

4 - A bookworm.
Well, I guess comics, mangas and some academic books always be on my shelves.
Story books and novels are limited to some journalists and writers only.
Choosy!

5 - Extremely Friendly
This one can't be help since it's my natural style.

6 - Been scolded by the Headmaster while I was in Standard 5.
I hit a boy with my full mineral bottle during recess time because he make me pissed off.
The headmaster just scolded me.
But, after recess time, I scolded the boy back.

7 - I broke a wooden chair.
It was back in 2002 while I was in Form 4.
I'm pissed off again with some boys in class, and I hit the desk with the chair.
It's only as a warn actually, but unfortunately, the chair was broken.
I took all the broken part, brought it to the workshop, and took a new chair.

8 - Award as "Tokoh Maulidur Rasul - Pelajar Harapan Sekolah"
It was the highest award that I got from school.
It's a kind shocked news, but I'm happy with it.
Almost return it back to the teacher because a boy kept challenged me to beat him
in the exam.



9 - All my academic institutions are in Johore.
As a pure Johorian, I never went out yet.
My primary and secondary schools were in Muar, Johore.
My matriculation college was in Tangkak, Ledang, Johore.
My current university is in Skudai, Johore.

10 - Broke up with my first and last love.
That's a fact am I right?
Broke up with that guy on 16th August 2007.
I'm walking my path with my own happiness now.

555th Entry : 13th Jan 07

Blackish beeping.
It's an alarm.

::1st Date With D********n alias MLP::

Its been 2 years.
It's been 2 years when the first time I met you dude.
I wiped those memories.
I tried to wipe it.
Delete it.

That was the first time I met you after been together for 10 months.
We never met each other, and the first date was nice.
It's nice whether we just met up for less than 3 hours.



We'd been separated on August 2007.
Just, each time some dates beeping, it makes me remember you.
I should delete all the alarms perhaps.
Yeah, I should.

Since, no more love,
no more VIP's treats from you,
no more phone calls or SMS texts,
I've decided to leave the world.



The world, the fake world while I kept pampered myself that I'm the one that you love.
I pampered my heart with those statements.
Pathetic me.

After all, I'm getting better now.
My new resolution, just become myself.
You are just memories that I'll keep in my heart.
Will never forget about you since you are my first and last love.



Till then, I'm gonna take a break.
It's my 555th Entries!

Wanna read my first language latest entry?
Click here for more details!

After One Year and Eight Months

::MLP and Zara::
*if some of you click on this image, take a look at our glasses*

After ONE year and EIGHT months,
we met up again.

After ONE year and SIX months broke up,
we met each other.

He came to Johor Bahru for an exhibition on behalf of his work,
stayed in Mutiara Hotel in JB.
I met him there, yes.

Taufiq sent me there with his car, together with the girl next door.
I met MLP.
Yeah, I met MLP, not my Uppa.

Sorry Hana darling,
it's not Uppa this time dear...

We spent some precious time together,
talked about each others life,
looked at how both of us changed due to time that flew away,
it's just like that.

MLP,
I missed you so much dear.
Whether we were separated right now,
I do love you.
You are my first love ever.
LOL!

Note that both of us officially broke up at 16th August 2007.
Whether we still can be together after this,
only God knows.

Going To Meet Him

Hi fellas.
The 1st Sport Management Day just ended this afternoon.
Unfortunately, it's not like in the schedule.
They postponed those to tomorrow.
So, basically, today was fulled with fields activities like sprint tests etc.
Gonna update about it later.



I'm going out after this.
I guess that I'll be going out.
I do hope so.
I'm going to meet him.
Who will be him?
Uppa? MLP? CWC? SR? Doctor?



Gonna update later.
Right now, I want to have some rest.
I do hope that I manage to meet him.
Wish me the best things ya?
I love all of you!

1st Blogger's Call

I'm doing my Material Chemistry just now.
Sort of the mind maps for it, because there's a lot to read and digest,
the notes, the questions etc.

::Glasses Part One::

MLP sent some text messages to me.
Just ordinary text messages.
Seriously, ordinary messages.



Suddenly Blackish ringing.
Only number appears.
Make me wonder the person who called me.
Tried to guess, who's the one who gave me a call tonight?



It's one of bloggers here who called me just now.
The call was from UTOPIA.
Thanks for called me, Lil Friend.
The gender?
Go and read Utopia's blog!

We chatted for about 22 minutes, if I'm not mistaken.
Utopia is such a nice person
Younger than me, Utopia is still a secondary school student.

After a nice conversation,
we stopped and I continued with my works.

Blackish ringing.

Utopia called me again!

Utopia just want to let me know that he/she had updated
his/her blog.
Go and check it fellas!
His/her latest entry is about a movie that will be on cinema this December.
You can view the movie trailer in his/her blog
by clicking [here]



Some of you might wondered,
"Zara gave her numbers to unknown people?"
Well, some of the bloggers here,
I admitted that I never met them.
But, since they showed me some concerns, make me happy each time
I do blogging,
they even feel free to drop their phone numbers to me.



Thanks to some bloggers who helped me a lot,
and even sent text messages to me via SMS.
Whether we never meet each other,
I do hope we can meet some other times.



Neo, Aqram, Ezo, Luth, Utopia, Kak Yanie, Nazrikawi, and Ratu Salju.
...and of course,
most of UTM's bloggers in the list there,
I have their numbers.

Those bloggers who shared their numbers with me.
Thanks for trusted and believe me.
Any other bloggers want to do the same?
You can contact me if you are willing to do so.

[Updated: I just got Yumi's phone number]

1st Love Ever [Synopsis]

I've been blogging for almost 5 months.
I wrote about everything.
My life as a student, as whatever I am.

MLP.
I knew that some of you make wild guesses who was the MLP.
I just make random posts of him.
He's my history.
He's my past, present and I'm not pretty sure about the future.



Some of you who really make crossover of my blog,
already know about him.
I mean, he was my first love [and it's like last as well].

Please take note that we are not together anymore since 16th August 2007.
I mean, in term of relationship as lovers.



In some tags, I mentioned about him.
Yeah, I knew him via MySpace on Ottosan's birthday.
[22nd February 2006]
It took about 2 weeks before we declared as lovers and I never ever knew his
face at that time.
Only him knew my face [I put my photo in my profile].

I should say that this was happened in reality.
In real world.

I met him after 10 months coupled.
We celebrated our 1st and last anniversary together.
We met to encourage each other which turned to be our last meeting.
So, basically we only met each other for 3 times.

After one and a half years,
we decided to walk on separate paths.



This is the synopsis.
I'm gonna write more about it.
Why I wrote about this?
Because I'm ready to reveal the truth.
Gosh!

Well, just because some people make speculations on it.
I rather write it down here compare answered it via emails like I did before,
(some of you knew it because you asked),
LOL!

Till then,
I'm gonna continue paint the stories on my life canvas.

You Make Me Confused

I'm not feeling well, but cannot be said as I'm unwell,
it will give another meanings.

Cough, Fever, Flu, Dizzy
They all came in package.
Of course I'm not ordered them, fellas...
By the way, I'm getting better, I hope I'm getting better...



Reversed to few days before.
I told Uppa that I'm not feeling well,
he asked me to take a good rest,
had a good sleep [since it's almost my bed-time].
I smiled and prayed that I'm getting better.
I do hope I'll wake up in my normal condition.

Blackish rang.
It was MLP!.
Messages from him.
I woke up, hug my Danny.



"Danny, it's from Papa darling"

Of course Danny can't reply me.
Of course he will only stared at me.
Kimi and Charl were not with me, only Danny and Spongie around.

Sean!
Yeah, Sean knew my heart...
Sean will make me energetic back.
Sean knew how to restore the adrenaline and the love in my heart.

Switch on my Sean.
Password : The Hottest Bachelorette



My Computer
My Local D
The Highest Private Area
My AD_Memories
The Anniversary

I looked at Sean's screen.
Hugged Danny.
I replied MLP's messages.
It's like nothing happened between us.
It's like the old days.
My finger moved on the touch pad.

Rolled in the comforter.
Will everything back to normal?
The normal mode is NOW,
not the old days...


::CURRENT MOOD::

Tagged by Yumi

[The Tagged that I owed from My YUMI darling]

[1] My ex-boyfriend is:
- Do I need to state his name? I prefer called as MLP.

[2] Currently I'm listening to:
- Avenged Sevenfold : Afterlife

[3] Maybe I should:
- study for my final exams

[4] I like :
- reading something that make me drown in it!

[5] My best friend:
- Last time I met her was back in 2005. I miss you darling!

[6] I don't understand:
- Why it's really hard for some people to smile, it's only smile fellas!

[7] I lost:
- My first love, MLP. That's what we called lost in term of love, maybe. LOL~

[8] Many people said:
- Zara, you are cool hyper-asctive!

[9] Meaning of my name:
- My real name? [The Holy Prophet daughter's name], Zahrah means flower.

[10] Love is:
- Universal. To God, Family, Friends, etc.

[11] In one place, there's someone:
- who make me remember him so much!

[12] I'll try to:
- be the best among the best!

[13] The word "FOREVER" means:
- it will remains and retains for an infinite time.

[14] My handphone:
- Small, old, cheap and his name is Blackish! Mummy love you!

[15] When I woke up:
- I'll stop my Blackish's alarm and recite doa.

[16] I can't stand with:
- people stared at me and say something at my back, Zara is Ugly!

[17] Party for me:
- having fun and settle all the tasks that been given to me.

[18] The cutest animal I ever seen:
- Panda. I love panda so much since it's in WWF logo.

[19] The most fun level of age for me:
- Teenager - I can do whatever I want and build my ownself.

[20] Today:
- I just recover from fever, cough and flu.

[21] Tonight:
- I will sleep and hug my babies, Charl and Kimi.

[22] Tomorrow:
- I'm going to my replacement class..

[23] I really want:
- all my dreams come true!

[24] When I see my face in the mirror this morning:
- Thanks God for this beautiful creations!

[25] Shopping complex or games arcade?
- I prefer both!

[26] Japanese or Western's foods?
- Japanese! Sushi, yummy!

[27] Bright or dark room?
- Bright for study and do all my jobs, dark for sleep!

[28] Fast foods are:
- unhealthy but still took it, rarely~

[29] Last sentence that I said to someone just now:
- I love you too dear.

[30] Do you want make this TAG longer?
- Hello, this is already long lol~

[31] Had you did whatever you must as a Muslim today?
- Yes, I hope so.

[32] When was the last time you kissed your parent?
- Before I went back to campus this evening.

[33] Have you dig your nose today?
- what this question about? - I had flu okay!

[34] Have you kissed your lover?
- Nope, I don't have one!

[35] Want to share this with:
- no one. I believe everyone too busy right now. Am I right fellas?